Wilson was a year old before he ever got his first tooth.  Seeing how it took him so long to get the teeth in the first place, I sort of thought they would hang around for a while.  Not so.

"I have a loose tooth."  He said last Sunday.

"No you don't."  I said. 

"Yeah, I do."  He said.  And he came over to where his father and I were sitting to show us.  Chris winced and looked away.  Apparently Chris doesn't do loose teeth. 

"Do you want me to pull it?"  I asked.  Chris got up and walked off.

"Yeah.  I guess so."  Will said.

"The Tooth Fairy will come."  I said.

"Alright then."  He said.

I got a washcloth, the boy, and the special tooth holder for the Tooth Fairy.  I pulled the tooth and he held the washcloth in his mouth.  We checked out the tooth.

"Will, you haven't been really flossing."

"So."

"So - you need to do a better job here."

"It doesn't matter."  He said.  And then he looked at the washcloth, saw blood, and freaked out a bit.  I got him settled and he went to bed, tooth in special holder under pillow.  Chris and I began discussing the going rate for a central incisor in 2009.  It was decided that we'd pay out a dollar. 

The next morning Will showed up in my bathroom.

"Hey bud."  I said.

"Hey."  He was unenthusiastic.

"Tooth Fairy come?"  His dad asked.

"That fairy only left me a buck."  Will said, clearly disappointed.

"Brush better."  I said.  "You get paid for quality and your quality is lacking."

He wasn't motivated.  The thing is that I know what motivates.  My brother found a picture of some guy dressed up like a fairy.  A very dirty fairy with a yellow stained t-shirt, a pink tutu, a monobrow, chatting on a cell phone, wearing work boots and a bowler hat.  My brother said "Tell him not to complain about the dollar because it could be this gentleman leaving him the money.  He should just take it and be happy."

Will came home that afternoon with a second central incisor. 

"I lost another tooth!"  He exclaimed.  "I'm making MONEY!"

"Here's the thing Will," I said when I noticed this tooth, too, probably only earned a B+ on the brushing and flossing.  "There's a Tooth Fairy Union.  You get assigned a fairy based on your brushing habits."

"So?" 

"Let me show you the photo of your fairy."  I said.  I pulled up the picture.  Will looked worried.

"That's not my fairy."  He said.

"Yeah he is.  You're not doing a great job of brushing and flossing, so this is the fairy you're stuck with until you do a better job."

Will eyed the picture.  He studied it.

"He looks like he smells bad."  He said.  "And why is he on a cell phone?"

"Um...  You know, they have to call him when they have a tooth for pick up."

"He looks smelly."

"Uncle Nate says he smells like old hot dogs."  I said.

"Yuck."  Will said.  A few minutes later I heard him in the bathroom, brushing his teeth. Later I walked by his bathroom and saw him flossing away. 

As I tucked him in later that night we put his tooth under the pillow.

"Mom, if you hear a cell phone ring and smell old hot dogs, please can you shoot my fairy?"  He asked.

"You can't kill the Tooth Fairy."

"I just hope I don't see him."  Will said as he snuggled into his blankets.  "We're out of floss by the way.  I'll need some for tomorrow." 

The next morning a dollar was left along with a note scratched out in poor handwriting that said "Hey buddy - you're lucky I left a dollar because you need to do a better job on your teeth.  See you later, I'm off to get a hot dog.  Your Tooth Fairy."