A birthday card arrived in the mail.  It wasn’t for any of us – it was for a politician and the idea was that we were supposed to write our birthday message and our best wishes for the campaign and then mail it back, postage paid.  Chris dropped it in front of me on my to-do pile. 

“What am I supposed to do with this?”  I asked.

“Write our birthday wishes.” 

Duh. 

Dear Sir: 

 I hope you have a great birthday.  I don’t know how old you’re going to be, but I’m turning 31 next month and I gotta tell you, it’s been a doosie of a year.  Turning 30 wasn’t bad.  31 seems like I should know what I’m doing with myself, but I’ve been trying to finish a master’s degree for the longest time and I keep having to drop my classes on account of work, kids, lack of childcare, etc.  I did manage to finish a semester, but that seems pretty lame considering I finished my BA ten years ago.  I mean, if you’re like me you’re going to sit there as your birthday approaches and think “What now?”  Of course, you’re running for President and not a stay-at-home-mom, so maybe you don’t have those “What now?” moments while you’re dropping a semester of classes – again.  Maybe you don’t sit and wonder what to do with yourself while the Wiggles scream crazy songs in the background.  I do, but at least it’s not Barney.

 I’m supposed to tell you how much I am supporting your bid for the presidency.  And, I am.  Sort of.  It's not like I have a lot of time or money to give you.  Economy and all.  But I like you.  Of course, I keep hearing from the rest of my demographic that I really should be for the other guy, but to be honest, I just can’t figure out why I should be for the other guy if the best reason my friends have is “Oprah says…”  I like Oprah and all, but I just don’t think we run in the same circles. She and I are not in the same trench.   Besides, I liked you the last go round.  I liked you the last time when you didn’t stick around all the way through the primaries.  I made the mistake of telling my Mom I liked you more than the other guy who did stick around – she got sort of angry about it and listed all of the reasons I shouldn’t like you, but seeing as how she’s on your side now, I guess that’s water under the bridge.  I’m still in your court, but I don’t agree with everything you’re for.  And some of your ads are nasty and I wouldn't want my kids acting that way or thinking it's ok to call people names.  Maybe you’re not up for everything you’re for either.  Maybe that’s the deal with keeping your constituency happy.  Or maybe you and I are on the same page but I’m too busy trying to teach my 6 year old how to keep his shoes tied and how to ride a bike and to remember to wash his hands before leaving the bathroom to notice.   Maybe I should be watching the news instead of wrestling with my 2 year old to brush her teeth, comb her hair, and trying to get that child potty trained because filling up my SUV to drive to Wal-Mart to buy diapers is just financially irresponsible even if I am buying the cheap gas and the cheap diapers.  At any rate, I loved the performance on Saturday Night Live you did years ago and that endeared you to me.  Because I could tell you were out of your element and were nervous, but there you were and you were laughing at yourself and God knows I do those things every day.

 I like that you are a war hero.  My dad was over there too.  He doesn’t talk to me about it so I guess it was pretty bad.  Thanks for that, by the way – I know you probably had other things you wanted to be doing with your time than sitting in a nasty prison.  I can’t imagine how bad that was, but I do thank you for doing it.  And I am old enough to know that Thank You doesn’t nearly cover it, but there isn’t anything else I can say.

 Back to your birthday – I hope you have a great party.  You are having a party, right?  I don’t go to many parties.  Well, not the fun kind with special drinks that have little umbrellas in them.  I wish I went to those special umbrella drink parties, but I just don’t get to do things like that much.  It’s probably the economy because it costs way too much to go out and afford the 13 year old sitter for the night.  The last party I went to was for a 5 year old.  It was a costume party for kids.  I dressed my kids as a football player and a cheerleader.  They were adorable.  But then my two year old cheerleader got mad that I let another kid play with her pom-poms.  I told her to share, but she wasn’t having any of it.  I mean, she had the other kid’s toy pistols (he was dressed as a cowboy) so I didn’t think it should matter that I let him borrow her pom-poms.  She didn’t want to share so she pistol whipped me.  I was pistol whipped by a two year old cheerleader over some pom-poms at a five year old’s birthday party.  Has that happened to you?  Probably not.  I guess we can’t relate on that.  I do hope there won’t be any pistol whipping at your party.  It doesn’t feel good.  And the worst part is that you want to cry because it hurt so bad, but you have to keep face in front of the other moms whose kids aren’t pistol whipping cheerleaders.  You have to keep on parenting even though all you can think is “I hope that cake has chocolate in it” and “Where is my husband when I need him” and “I really hope I don’t have a concussion.”  Maybe we can relate – because even if you just want to sit down and hide for a while, you can’t because there’s a country to run and everyone is watching you and you know they’re silently talking about how they could do it better.  Maybe you do get it.

Well, that’s about it.  I have to figure out where my two year old ran off to with the kitchen scissors.  And I have to get school supplies ready for my 6 year old to start the first grade.  I also have to take care of a preschool registration, bus registration, tell my dogs to quit barking, and do the laundry, sweep the floors, and clean the bathrooms.  It’s a pretty busy day here.  I’m sure you have a busy day too.  What are you having for dinner?  I wish I knew because I’m running out of time to pull something out of a hat here.  Hamburgers?  What do you think – or noodle casserole?  Who knows.  I bet you have someone cook for you though.  So maybe that’s one less thing you have to mess with.

So, have a happy birthday.  And drink one of those little drinks with the little umbrella in it for me.