Next week my classes start again.  I'm doing my best to get my writing here in now so I don't get the "why aren't you writing" inquisitions.  I do write during the semester, just not here and not anything that any of you would want to read. 

Big things are happening in life.  Big decisions were made.  Big change is coming, and for the first time in 30 years I'm actually looking forward to the change.  Mostly.

Chris' new job is providing us with the opportunity to allow me to stay home.  This is great for several reasons, but the most important one is that Will is putting in 11 hour days at school.  He catches the bus at 6:50 am.  He has to be up at 6 am in order to do this.  I don't get back to school to pick him up until 6 pm.  And it's a rush getting from the other side of town to school by 6 pm anyway.  We get home, cook dinner, eat, then he's still doing his homework.  By the time he gets to bed at 9 pm I can tell he's just exhausted. 

And I'm exhausted.  Chris works strange hours when deadlines approach or when there are meetings to go to in the evenings.  The bulk of work at home hits me - which is fine, but I can tell my mind is scattered and not as focused as it used to be when I had "back up".  I'm spread too thin and I am one of those who must put in 110% to everything I do.  The problem is that there are only so many hours in a day.

So I started looking at the income around here.  Two incomes was not a choice for us up until now.  We did what we needed to do to tithe, pay bills, have health insurance, and sack away into savings.  But now I'm looking at this and the days Will has and I think if one of us makes more than the two of us combined used to, it's prime opportunity to bow out of the work force.

The plan is to make it until the end of the school year.  Then Will, Gigi, and I will all transition to staying at home - or at the pool.  I foresee a lot of pool in the future.  We need to have a summer vacation - for once.  Will has no idea that summers are full of doing nothing.  He has no idea that you don't have to get up at 6 in the summer.  Summer vacation is a foreign idea to him.  I don't want it to continue to be that way. 

Not that we're just going to be at the pool all summer.  There are science projects we've picked out to do.  There's gardening to be done.  There are bicycles to be ridden.  There's a reading program at the public library.  There are friends to have lunches with, to meet at the park and play with.

I'll be honest, I don't know what it means for my Master's degree.  It is a sacrifice I'm not thrilled about seeing as how I put going back to school on hold for nearly ten years.  I love going to classes.  I love writing papers.  I just don't see how it fits any more.  And when Chris switched jobs it was difficult to take 6 hours, work 40 hours, get the house clean, cook the meals, chauffer the kids, and keep up with the laundry.  I'm not saying I can't do all of it - because I did.  The question becomes - what am I getting out of having it all and what are the others here missing out on?  Also, why do I need to have it all? 

Things are cut out now.  Non-essentials hit the trash. 

I won't lie.  I agonized over how I could keep doing everything.  I spent all of December stressed out about making decisions.  But finally I made them and surprizingly, that feeling of dread and worry went away and I slept for the first time in weeks.  A month later, I still feel that same sense of relief and optimism and I'm still sleeping at night, which sadly hasn't been the case in the past.

I don't know how I'll do at first with no job to go to.  I have the need to compete with myself to beat deadlines and to organize everything.  I don't know that this translates to the world of staying at home.  I've created a calendar with our schedules on it.  Something tells me I may be missing the point.  I suppose whatever it takes to ease me into a life with no looming deadlines will work though. 

I'm probably going to love it.