You'd think after 8 years of marriage there wouldn't be basic things we don't know about each other, but there are.

New Year's Day we all settled in for a nap - at least, that's what I thought we were all doing.  The kids and I settled in for naps.  Chris, apparently, had a burst of energy and needed to take down the Christmas decorations outside.  It was very windy and very cold, but he went out, sans coat, to climb the two ladders to take down Christmas decorations.

The catch is that we don't have a ladder that extends to the second story.  If we want a ladder like that we borrow one from Tim, the awesome neighbor who has everything you could ever need in his garage.  If Tim isn't around we have to put a ladder in the back of the house up against our back porch roof and then get a second ladder to get up to the second story roof.  Not the safest thing in the world, but it works.

Mostly.

Not only was Chris up on the roof without a coat, he didn't tell me he what he was going to do, nor did he take a cell phone.  None of this occurred to him until the wind blew the ladder on top of the porch roof over.  Hindsight and all I suppose.

I wake up to stomping going on overhead and banging against the window.  Chris was jumping up and down on the roof and using the Christmas lights to bang against the window.  He'd already had some passing by neighbor kids ring the doorbell, but we can't hear our doorbell from upstairs if we're all wide awake so there's not a chance we'll hear it if we are dead asleep.  After that failed he resorted to jumping on the roof and beating the lights against the windows.

I opened the window and said "Chris?"

"Hey!  How are you?  Get a good nap?" Sarcasm abounded.

"Huh?"

"The ladder blew over and I'm stuck on the roof!" Frustration abounded.

“Ok….” (Remember, I am still half asleep. All mental faculties are not functioning.)

“I need you to get up on the back porch and put the ladder back up! I’m cold!” Obviousness abounded.

The first point I wanted to make to him as he was stuck up there and somewhat of a captive – although aggressive - audience was that he should have told me he was going to take down the lights. The second point was that he should have at least taken a cell phone. The third point was that if one is stuck on the roof with no coat and night approaching, one should not YELL at the intended rescuer. It makes the rescuer irritated having been brought out of a nice warm nap. But, I’d rather light a candle than curse his darkness, so I complied with his request for help. 

I may have taken my time putting on my shoes for the third infraction, but by the time I climbed up the ladder onto the back porch I was still very sleepy and mental function was at about 60%. This is important for one very good reason – I avoid heights at all costs. All costs. I still have nightmares about being on the top floor of the Missouri State Capitol and having the wood railing break. But since my mind was at 60% and I wasn’t fully awake I climbed up on the back porch to help the love of my life down off the roof. Despite his attitude at the present time. I climbed up with no reservation.

By the time he climbed down to the back porch I was awake and fully aware that I was off the ground. I was also lying on the roof of the back porch because it was windy and I was extremely dizzy and frightened. Ever observant, Chris missed that his wife was completely laid out on the roof, clutching shingles, and climbed on down to the ground, muttering “Took long enough” on the way down. 

“Hurry up and get down here, I’m cold!” Came the invitation from the ground. I couldn’t move. The wind was picking up. I was very cold up there in my pajama pants and t-shirt. 

“This may be a good time to tell you something.” I yelled down.

“What?”

“I’m terrified of heights and I can’t get down!”

Laughter rose up to the roof. When no laughter or movement came down from above the laughter below ended.

“Are you serious!”

“Serious and freezing!”

“How’d you get up there then?”

“I was sleepy! Now I’m wide awake!”

Crying now. Crying and clutching to the roof while lying as flat as one can so as not to blow off the roof with the gale force winds. 

“It’s just going to get colder!” He shouts along with his assurances that I will NOT die if I stand up.

30 minutes later I scooted down to the ladder and managed to get off the porch. He was nice enough to get a blanket for me. 

“This would have been something nice to know nine years ago when we met.” 

 I was going to point out that for a while after we met I didn’t know his last name and he couldn’t spell mine so getting around to afraid-of-heights wasn’t at the top of the list. If there were things he felt important to know, he should have asked those 9 years ago. He didn’t. Next time he should wait for Tim and the nice ladder.