Today was the first day of Kindergarten. We took our son to the bus stop. We’d all been dreading the moment all summer, but when the bus came,  son, father, and mother waved and smiled as he boarded the bus and the doors shut. We all did fine.

But we left someone out.

Not once did I consider the baby sister here. As her brother rolled off in the school bus Reagan, strapped in to her stroller, reached her arms out after him and screamed “Willie!” 

On the drive to work and to her school Reagan usually sits in the back singing, squealing, and exhibits generally happiness. This was very anti-Reaganesque. I strapped her in her car seat. She stared at the empty seat next to her. She held her hands up in a “where did he go” move. “Willie?” She asked. “He’s at Big Kid School.”

She didn’t say anything. For the thirty minute ride without her brother she’d occasionally ask “Willie?” and look from his empty seat out the window. No singing. No laughing. No squealing. She was very somber and quiet - almost like she wasn’t sure what to do alone.

And if you think about it, he’s always been there. He is always around, reading to her, playing with her, eating with her. She’s never been on her own before. She’s never gone to her school without him.

When we pulled up to her school she saw Will’s best friend and his past teacher in the front room. She started jumping up and down and excitedly yelled “Willie! Willie!” 

“It’s not him Reagan. Willie’s at Big Kid School.” 

She walked very sadly to her classroom. She went in and headed straight for her teacher’s lap. She didn’t rush to stake out her favorite toys or run to claim a rocking horse. She didn’t get her favorite book for Miss Emily to read. She just sat down, looking lost and lonely.

At home it was clear that Will excelled at his new adventures. He bubbled with details and excitement.   He made friends (but can’t remember their names. “One sounds like Ky something”) and he loved art and recess and he made good choices all day. He is in love with school. Reagan was very still and quiet, almost like she was trying to understand why being away from each other wasn’t as horrible for him as it was for her. 

Sadly, she’ll have a lot of this. He will leave elementary school while she stays behind. He will leave high school, and she will be alone while he is at college. And, God willing, he will leave college before she gets there.   God willing.