We never go out on dates. But our friends wanted us to go out with them to celebrate their anniversary so we found a babysitter and planned for a lovely night out last Friday. We planned it all week and decided that we really ought to go out on dates much more often now that we had a great babysitter and good friends to go out with.  It had such promise, but here’s how a plan and reality differ:

• Noon – Torrential downpour begins in North Texas.
• 4 PM – Jolene is stuck in a meeting.
• 4:30 PM – Jolene leaves meeting and rushes to attend kids’ Spring Fling at school which has already been going for 30 minutes. Wilson wants to do all of the events at Spring Fling, Reagan just wants to make a mess. 
• 4:45 PM – Wilson says “Let’s just go home if she’s not going to behave!” while pointing at kid sister who is trying to eat the beads on the bracelet he is trying so hard to make. Angel teacher comes and takes Reagan around while Wilson and Mommy try to enjoy the rest of the event.
• 5:25 PM – Wilson is finally done, smiling, and Jolene realizes it’s going to be a close call to get dressed and leave at 6:30. But Jolene is at ease knowing Chris is already at home and can take care of sitter etc. while she gets dressed for the date.
• 5:45 PM – Jolene calls Chris to let him know she’s stuck in traffic because of torrential downpour. Chris says he is still in traffic, nowhere near being home.
• 5:47 PM – Jolene panics and Chris calls sitter to let her know if she gets to the house at 6 she will be the only one there. 
• 5:58 PM – Jolene arrives home with kids in increasingly intense rain, lightening, wind, and thunder. Jolene and Wilson  open door to utility room.
• 5:58:13PM – Wilson says “Something smells bad” while Jolene looks at mess on floor. 
• 5:58:14PM – Jolene realized the 50 pound puppy has had “an accident” in her kennel. There is at least 4 liters of doggie mess all over the floor, kennel, wall, and all over 50 pound puppy. 
• 5:58:15PM – Reality hits that Chris is at least 20 minutes from home. Jolene sees 4 liters of doggie mess cleaning in her immediate future. Wilson announces he’s going “to puke!” Jolene instructs Wilson to take Reagan up to the game room and not look back. Ever. Wilson obeys quickly.
• 6 PM – Jolene gets dogs outside.  Starts to clean the path of doggie mess paw prints on the floor. Smell is overwhelming. Jolene realizes purchasing a house with an open floor plan is a great idea until one introduces 4 liters of doggie mess stench into the open floor plan. Entire first floor smells rancid. Jolene lights two candles and has an epiphany that those two candles are an exercise in futility. 
• 6:05 PM – Jolene starts to clean 4 liters of doggie mess. 
• 6:06 PM – Jolene begins to realize that she is cleaning doggie mess in the shirt she was planning to wear to the date. Jolene takes off shirt and rolls up jeans (which she will not be wearing on the date). Jolene proceeds to clean 4 liters of doggie mess in bra, rolled up jeans, and barefeet. 
• 6:08 PM – Doggie mess gets to Jolene who throws up in trash can. 
• 6:09 PM – Doorbell rings. Wilson is instructed to answer. Wilson lets in Babysitter. Jolene yells from around the corner that Babysitter should try not to breathe and to go directly up to the gameroom. Wilson announces “My Mom is cleaning up poop in her underwear”. Jolene realizes this will be the last time she will be able to get someone to babysit.
• 6:15 PM – Jolene is starting to make real progress on the doggie mess.
• 6:20 PM – Jolene allows the “clean” dog and the cat back inside. 50 pound puppy is told to stay outside. Hurricane style downpour is going on outside. 50 pound puppy looks sad. Jolene doesn’t care.
• 6:30 PM – Jolene finally starts to get dressed for the date.
• 6:45 PM – Chris arrives home with pizza. Directions are given for the kids (“Do whatever you need to do, here’s our number, sorry about the smell.”)
• 6:48 PM – Jolene returns to give one more instruction to Wilson (“I don’t care if there is a tornado heading for the backyard, you don’t let that dog in here.” Wilson answers back “Acceptable loss.” Mother and son give each other thumbs up sign.)
• 7:00 PM – Chris and Jolene pick up friends and head to Really Fancy Steakhouse for friends’ wedding anniversary. Hurricane force rain picks up to become The Mother of All Storms.
• 7 – 7:25 PM – Chris shows his hydroplaning skills to Jolene and friends. All are amazed. All begin praying for the Toyota to keep from getting stuck on flooded streets.
• 7 – 7:25 PM – God answers prayers of Jolene who has had a rough day and shows mercy to she who has not been on a date in many months and who has spent the evening cleaning 4 liters of the world's nastiest doggie mess up.  Jolene is grateful for the mercy.
• 7:28 PM – Chris, Jolene, and friends arrive at Really Fancy Steakhouse and think they may actually make the 7:30 reservation. 
• 7:45 PM – Chris and Jolene, inside Really Fancy Steakhouse, decide dating is too much work. Conclude one date a year is probably fine.